Before I start this topic on spanking/caning/flogging, I’d like to point out that I am not an expert but I am someone who dabbles in being spanked and it is something that brings me pleasure, in the right situation.
When I was undergoing my BSc in Psychology, I approached my tutor and asked her about fetishes of the kink variety and she was more than happy to discuss certain things with me. One afternoon, she asked if I would stay behind after our class, as there was another Professor who had more of an insight into this avenue, than she did. So we strolled down to the local Starbucks on a quiet afternoon and proceeded to discuss kinks.
He delved into the topic of relationships and needs and explained that a sexual fetish refers to a strong preoccupation with whatever the relevant person was into. It is a type of Paraphilia that pretty much means our bodies respond to an object, part of the body or a certain material and is usually seen as a ‘taboo’ or socially accepted (some unaccepted) stimulant of an arousing nature.
As for the term ‘kinky’, he went onto explain that this is a simple term for ‘more than vanilla’, a bit of an ‘atypical’ which means that it’s not a true representative of a group of people. So this would mean something like “she likes me to fuck her hard and call her a bitch at the same time, kinky!”. It doesn’t represent a Fetish that someone delves into, it’s just a term for something a little more than the comfort zone of vanilla, I suppose.
So is spanking an actual fetish? Or is it a paraphilia…..it’s a paraphilia. For example a fetish is the desire and need for that extra mile to get them going, not an addiction per-sae but if it is easier to understand, then go with that. But a Paraphilia is a condition that sorts after abnormalities in bedroom antics, like spanking, being tied up etc. Basically a desire for something ‘other than the norm’.
But all this isn’t really relevant, as we still consider all this as a Fetish. In the bedroom it doesn’t that these two terms differ, my Professors both agreed that the only time the two should differentiate, is if someone has to seek professional help i.e visit a psychologist and so-forth.
After a long day in the class room and then an hour chatting to two professors about fetish likes and what not, I needed to get home and put my feet up. But it did make me think long and hard (no pun intended) about aspects of my sexual likes. Anyway, let’s get back to talking about spanking.
Why are people into spanking, what do we get out of it?
Well, it primarily comes under the whole ‘pain-pleasure’ ratio. You make sit there wincing and thinking “how could i enjoy that” whilst someone else is thinking that it’s an amazing feeling.
When your bum cheeks are smacked, the body will release endorphins throughout you. These counter-act the pain that could be experienced and in turn, giving your body a natural high.
For me, I had to condition my body to register spanking as pleasure, this started off with being bent over my partner’s lap as he gently slapped my naked bum. In-between slaps, he would smooth the palm of his hand over the area he had just spanked and then run his fingers up and down my lower back and upper thighs. As the spanks became harder, the longer he lingered with the in-between strokes.
After about 3 weeks, there was no need for the strokes between the spanks. I was more than happy to lay face down over his lap, as he spanked away with his bare cupped hand.
The above is a way that I would highly suggest anyone venturing into spanking fun, it makes it less ‘shocking’, I suppose, unless you like it like that!
After the bare knuckling of fun was had, he introduced me to leather floggers. This was much more easier to get into and upgrade from the hand, rather than a straight forward caning. The leather flogger has a hard leather side to the tassels and a soft suede side, that seems to even out the harshness of the lashings. Again, starting with soft spankings and then working up towards a more brutal enjoyment. For me, floggers are my niche, I much prefer these due to the feel of the leather across my skin.
Stepping Bondage up a Level
Moving onto paddles seemed like an easy step, or so I thought! No tassels to calm my roughed up arse cheeks, just a simple wack and I was winching, the same went for canes and there was only so much I could take of thee. I think canes are more of a more seasoned spankee’s ideal, than mine but that’s not a bad thing.
There are creams that can add in soothing the red marks on your skin in-between spanks, like the Black & Rose spank and sooth cream for before and after use. This cream has 2 components of the spank cream that lets your skin tingle with pleasure when being touched and then the sooth cream, that calms the skin down after being spanked. There is also a cream that you can purchase that soothes after a spanking session, the fifty shade of grey soothe me after spanking cream.
But for me, I’ve always enjoyed a chilled ice cube being traced over my reddened skin, after a session or even a chilled coke can rolled over my butt cheeks.
When you first stumble into the world of bondage and spanking, do expect your body parts to become easily bruised, this is normal. But if you do bruise, please don’t pursue further spanking activities until the bruising settles, this is for your own safety.
Like any other BDSM activity, it is advised that you and your partner arrange a safe word to be used, if at anytime the spanking becomes unbearable or if you need a break. It can be anything from ‘blue’ to ‘dinosaur’, just remember that it needs to be something that you can easily say.
There is always a risk of something going slightly wrong, during a spanking session, so it is good to run through a few do’s and don’ts:
There is a risk of breaking the skin, don’t hit too hard
Don’t partake in spanking sessions if you have a heart condition
Don’t partake if you are on any blood thinning medications
Don’t strike the spinal area, this could cause damage to the person being spanked.
Decide a ‘Safe Word’ before you start your session
Ensure you are hydrated, a pint of water before and after a session is helpful in your body recovering.
Do place an ice pack over your bum for a good 10 minutes after a session, this will reduce swelling and bruising.
Have the spanker practice on something soft, to make sure he/she is aware of the intensity their spanking can be.
It’s good to have a first aid type kit about, in case any skin bleeds.
Only spank fatty and muscular areas, such as the bum or upper thighs.
There are many options of spanking tools you can use and here are some of my personal suggestions:
Bound to Tease Suede Flogger
LELO Sensua Suede Whip
Fifty Shades Of Grey Red Room Flogger
Icicles No. 30 Glass Dildo with Leather Cat-O-9 tails
Uberkinky Rounded Handle Leather Flogger
Master Series Studded Rubber Paddle
House of Eros Double Sided Dagger Strap
Bound to Tease Heart Leather Paddle
Sex & Mischief Heart Impression Crop
Fetish Fantasy Control Cane
Frisky Paw Me Silicone Foot Crop
Riding Crop Large
Strict Leather Wide Head Riding Crop
Rattan Cane with Suede Handle
Of course there are many other types of spanking products out there, whips, rulers, slips, flipflops, the naked hand etc. The good thing about this spankalicious kink is that anything goes!
But at the end of the day, enjoy your sessions and let go!