“Sex toys are for men that can’t get laid”
Not that long ago, female masturbation was considered taboo. Slowly, this has been changing, but when I was growing up, it wasn’t discussed. Of course, boys did it, I’d heard that much. Boys had urges. Jokes would be told, about wet dreams, tissues kept under pillows and erections that just wouldn’t quit. No one joked about female masturbation. It just wasn’t discussed.
While we still have some way to go, before female masturbation is discussed and accepted in the same way male masturbation is, I for one am thankful that we are moving forward, speaking out and striving to reach the point where it is deemed normal and acceptable. It seems that now we are on board with women owning a sex toy or three. After all, she is taking ownership of her own pleasure. It’s empowering, liberating even. Clearly she knows what she wants in the bedroom and isn’t afraid to go after it. I have many girlfriends who would not be ashamed to admit that she owned a sex toy, heck women even throw parties to discuss and purchase sex toys. It’s very much a “You have a vibrator? Well you go girl!” situation (and so it should be).
You can understand my frustration then, when I see society taking two steps backwards when it comes to male masturbation, or more specifically, males getting off with sex toys. How is it possible that we have gone from this overall acceptance that men masturbate, to shaming them for doing so with a sex toy?
During a recent discussion about the joys of the Fleshlight, a friend of a friend piped up with the following comment;
“These are for sad, lonely men, masturbating in their mother’s basement”.
Cue laughter, followed by an awkward silence.
Sadly, this is not the first time I’ve heard such a comment. What a narrow-minded misconception and unfortunately one that seems to be reasonable common. There seems to be this insinuation that when a man decides to use a sex toy for pleasure, he is only doing so because he has no other choice. This sentiment is then echoed by those men and women who don’t like using sex toys;
“Oh I don’t need to use them, I have a partner”
“Why would he need sex toys when he has me?”
Becoming Open Minded
Look, you don’t have to like sex toys. No one is forcing them on you and you are perfectly entitled to decide what pleases you and what doesn’t. However, we need to remember that there is a huge difference between “needing” something and “wanting” it and stop shaming each other for our desires. Men use sex toys for a whole variety of reasons, including that they provide a unique sensation and feel bloody good. They use them for solo pleasure and within relationships and his partner may enjoy using them on him as much as he enjoys receiving. This is certainly the case in my relationship. Men do not buy sex toys because they have no other choice. Is it any wonder that they feel uncomfortable purchasing sex toys, let alone admitting to using them, when this is the kind of shaming they are likely to face?
Don’t even get me started on the ludicrous misconceptions surrounding men and anal sex.
Our sexual proclivities have no bearing on our sexual orientation. It is who we decide to enjoy our sexuality with, that does. There are plenty of straight identified males who enjoy anal play and no, this is not because they have ‘hidden tendencies’. Aside from the fact that the anus contains many nerve endings that respond positively to touch (for both males and females), men are also blessed with an erogenous zone located inside the anus (The prostate) and stimulating it feels intensely enjoyable. I could talk about this for hours, but I shall save this doozy for another day.
For those among you who are curious about male sex toys, but have waded through so much bullshit that you can’t see fact from fiction anymore, allow me to put your mind at rest; you are a normal human being, with normal sexual urges and there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience different kinds of pleasure. Sex toys are inanimate objects, used to provide a sensation that feels good. Of course, we have our hands, our lips and tongues, but there is nothing wrong with adding more variety. Whether playing solo, or coupled up, sex toys bring something new to the equation, complimenting the encounter, heightening it. Kind of like adding cream to your strawberries, adding sex toys to your sessions provides a new flavour, a new sensation and a little bit of indulgence. Why should anyone miss out on that based on some narrow minded misconceptions?
Four years ago, I bought my partner his first masturbation sleeve and we haven’t looked back since. He was not immune to the shaming and feelings of embarrassment surrounding the use of a male sex toy. Of course, he knew I owned female sex toys and was happy to incorporate them into our sex life, but this was a whole new ball game. He wondered why he needed one, since his hand worked just fine and when I pointed out that I reach orgasm in a variety of different ways (toys, fingers, tongue) he understood. It’s not about need; it’s about variety and fun. He finally decided to give it a bash (Stop giggling at the back) and it was breathtakingly sexy, watching him writhing with pleasure, feeling him throb and twitch as I listened to his breathy moans. He really enjoyed it and it was one of the hottest experiences of my life. Win-win.
I admired him in that moment, just as I admire all guys who have stood up against the bullshit, purchased a sex toy and indulged in some mind blowing pleasure. Those who have turned their backs on the hypocrisy and misconceptions and said “Fuck you world, this is my cock and I shall play with it how I damn well please” You sir, are my hero.
If you are curious about purchasing your first sex toy, take a look through our male sex toy reviews. My partner highly recommends the following products;
I want a masturbation sleeve that looks and feels similar to the real thing:
In our experience, no sex toy feels exactly like the real thing, but the Fleshlight Range manages to come closest, with its soft, skin-like material. Read our review for the Tera Patrick Lotus Sleeve.
I want an intensely stimulating masturbation sleeve:
The Tenga Flip Hole range are fantastic at providing an intense, rumbling stimulation. We recommend the Silver Tenga Flip Hole. Please note that the Flip-Holes may not be entirely suitable for men with larger than average penises.
I want a masturbation sleeve that does not look anatomically correct (realistic):
Again, the Tenga Flip Hole Range would suit, but Fleshlight have also created a few sleeve designs that may suit. Take a look at the Fleshlight Flight, Flight Instructor, Alien and Stealth.
I want vibrations:
The Pulse, from Hot Octopuss is a fantastic vibrator for males. One of my partners favourites.
I want something unusual:
We recommend the Bad Dragon Anthro Dragoness Sleeve, or any sleeve from Bad Dragon. These are not only unusual, but intensely satisfying sleeves.
I want to begin experimenting with anal:
Take a look at my “Beginners Guide to Experimenting With Anal Play” and choose toys that contain a flared base and are made from non-porous materials, for safety and hygiene. Tantus do some fabulous butt toys to suit all levels of experience.