We had an email from a reader suggesting that his flat mate regularly takes the piss out of his because he has a fleshlight.
So, I thought I’d raise the subject here and give my take on it.
As we mentioned before, research shows that many men own male sex toys. Now it is fair to say that we don’t know if these are predominantly wanking toys or anal probes, but I think it’s fair to assume that MOST men go for masturbation sleeves rather than prostate massagers or butt plugs.
So why is this?
Personally, I believe that masturbation is a valid sexual activity. And this is where the common perception of masturbation creates a stigma. Some men believe that masturbation is a “second choice” or a “last resort” for achieving orgasm. But in reality, they are simply ignorant to the prevalence of masturbation and the facts around this sexual activity.
Research shows that the vast majority of men masturbate at least a few times a week. This doesn’t change much for those in a relationship where availability of partnered sexual activity is higher. So this shows that even those who have regular sexual partners still masturbate.
Why is this?
Masturbation is generally a solo activity, you are not required to please anyone else. The only person you have to perform for is yourself. It might be considered selfish, but having a good wank regularly allows you to experience pleasure the way you want it, without having to consider a partner in the process.
Sure, it’s great to have sex and share pleasure between you, and no sensation offered by a sex toy is ever going to be the same as penetrating a sexual partner, but the freedom sex toys allow for completely selfish pleasure is immense.
Most men are not actually trying to replicate sex when they use a masturbator. They know that using a fleshlight won’t be the same as having intercourse. They’re going for the different sensations offered by these products and the various pleasurable textures within each of them.
It’s not a replacement for sex, it’s a method of making a valid sexual act (masturbation) even more pleasurable and diverse.
So what happened between the guy and his flatmate?
As our reader explains, his flatmate went into his room to borrow his iPod and found a fleshlight under his bed. The guy then decided this would be an adequate conversation to occasionally bring up in the company of other mates.
What should he do?
First, I’d suggest the young man explain the definition of “privacy” to his flatmate. If that doesn’t work, I’d recommend waiting until he is out of the house and go into his room to find his stash of porn. If you find ANYTHING slightly unusual, return the threat. When you have the right opportunity make it clear to him that you are aware of his little fetish (and there probably will be one) and I can almost guarantee he’ll shut up about your fleshlight. If he doesn’t, go through with the threat and bring up his porn stash the next time you have a room full of mates.
Buy a t-shirt that adequately describes your opinion of masturbation. You can find plenty online. If you make less of an issue about it, be proud about it, you remove his ammunition. People only pick on others because it gives them a sense of power. Remove that power and they have nothing.
Perhaps point out that he’s just jealous. The next time he brings it up while others are around, respond with “I told you you’re not borrowing it! Buy your own fleshlight!”
The final option is to just let him have his twisted fun. Most of the friends he’s blabbing to probably have a toy or two, so he’s actually likely to be doing himself no favours by being such a prick in front of your mates.
Don’t let the opinions of others affect your attitude. You are far more healthy than he is just for being more open and honest about masturbation and sex.