Communicating about sex has a lot to do with breaking the cycle of shame and embarrassment when talking about this subject.
It helps to start with the people you trust the most. Engaging with your friends openly and honestly about sex is such a powerful tool to start to breaking down these very established taboos. Pleasure being the final taboo.
Considering the huge swathes of women not gaining their rightful pleasure from their sexual experiences we can see why people feel sheepish to talk. But in order to move forward we must learn from each other. Believe me once you start opening up, people actually have a lot to say and there are likely to be many a night of hysterical laughter when discussing personal experiences no matter where you are in your personal journey.
When it comes to communicating your desires, likes and dislikes we must rebuff a powerful myth that talking about sex isn’t sexy.
Something that is consistently compounded in the films we watch.
Hollywood rarely depicts sex scenes that include any kind of affirmation of pleasure or consent and this representation of sex that shows all partners just telepathically knowing how to get the other off and have amazing sex is doing more damage I believe than any pornography we have become so afraid of.
Talking About Toys is Sexy
Talking about sex is absolutely sexy because you know what is not sexy? Shit sex.
For example if you are touching or caressing you partner and you ask them do they like it? You might get a no which is in fact great! Because that allows you to try something different until you get a yes. Had you not asked at all, that same action would have still received the negative physiological response but with no space or understanding to correct it. If you ask because you genuinely want to know and genuinely want to be part of the mutual exchange of pleasure you must be ready to give and take instruction with pleasure as the obtainable goal. Ask their thoughts about the use of sex toys in the relationship, maybe even browse throught the range of products we have to see if anything floats their boat.
Set aside your feelings of not being good or rejection because the end yes supersedes all no’s up to that point. An orgasm will let any bumps in the road on the journey melt into insignificance. If you are the one exploring try asking closed questions that require a yes or no answer that make it easier for clear communication without halting the flow.
One thing we have found to be very successful is talking about the kind of sex you like when you in the least vulnerable position. Ie. not naked about to get down to it. Somewhere that means you can talk openly without either one of you fearing testing out your theories is the next step. Dinner is good or if you’re feeling particularly shy, out for a walk side by side where eye contact can be avoided at the most excruciating moments.
If you are talking with someone you trust and respect these conversations should not be too hard for long. Think of it like teaching your unique language of pleasure, its going to take you imparting some knowledge and lots of practice. And what a great thought that is!
Other articles in the Ododi Guide To The Female Orgasm