Truly, I should have known better. But, ever the optimist, I really hoped that the FunFactory Bi Stronic Fusion would somehow defy logic and expectation.
What It Is
If you’re unfamiliar with the FunFactory Stronic line, let me give you the low-down: They’re pulsators as opposed to vibrators because they contain weighted motors that create a back and forth, thrusting type of motion. If you turn one on and then hold it, with your palms flat and facing up, you can see it move back and forth. It’s wild. It’s legitimately a revolutionary design, and I try not to throw that word around.
The Stronic Bi Fusion has a pulsating shaft and a vibrating clitoral… flipper? Arm? Cabbage leaf? Duck foot?
It’s got a vibrating something, but it ain’t good.
Where It Succeeds
Alright, credit where it’s due: I would probably really like this if I could rip the clitoral abomination right off of it, because I find the shape and size of the insertable portion to be totally fine and dandy. The sensation truly is unique — it’s like nothing my vagina has ever felt before. And since I’ve been doing this for almost five years, I don’t get to say that very often.
The thrusting grazes my G-spot and excites the anterior wall of my vagina, exactly as it ought to. I personally really enjoy this kind of stimulation because of the proximity of my clit to my vagina. I get a lot of sensation that way, but not everyone does. It’ll depend on your own individual vulva topography.
In use, it does not feel like a thrusting penis, biological or synthetic. It simply thrusts too quickly for that. Unless your partner has incredible speed and stamina, I don’t think any human could match this toy’s thrust frequency. And that’s totally fine. I don’t use sex toys because they “feel like the real thing”. I use sex toys because they feel awesome, period, full stop, and often provide sensations that I cannot get from another human’s anatomy. So honestly, I feel like that’s a plus. It provides a unique and pleasant sensation.
Where It Fails
Stronic Bi Fusion, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
- The clitoral
armabomination overshoots my clit by a country mile. To be fair, this is highly individual — if yours is further than an inch away from your vagina, it might suit you just fine. Except…
- It’s also really, really buzzy. Usually, I can get away with kind of medium-frequency vibrations. I don’t need the rumbliest of all rumbles in order to get off. But this is just insulting.
- It’s a vulva hog. The clitoral arm is sufficiently bulky that it doesn’t leave me with enough room to employ a decent clitoral vibe. I may be able to squeeze the Eroscillator in there, but honestly? That’s too much work. For £219, I shouldn’t have to DIY.
- The pink color is atrocious. I cringed when I opened the package. I don’t hate pink universally, nor do I always hate it as a color for vibrators. I hate that it’s often the only option, but the hue itself does not often offend me. But this? The bubblegum shade makes it look cheap (and in case you need another reminder, it’s not).
What Would Make it Better
Normally, I wouldn’t do this for free because consulting is a gig that is often undervalued and underpaid. But I’m going to make an exception, because I have something but one simple recommendation:
Stop trying to make dual-stimulation toys happen.
What You Should Buy Instead
As Alton Brown has no patience for kitchen unitaskers, I have no patience for dual-stim vibrators.
Want that unique, pulsating, thrusting Stronic experience? Buy the Eins if you want something sizable, the Zwei if you want it to be anal-safe, or the Drei if you’re a texture fiend. Then, take the £20 you’ve saved and buy either a corded magic wand vibrator or a Turbo Glider. Boom. As long as you have the use of both of your hands and can easily reach your own vulva, two toys that are more versatile are almost always going to provide a better experience than one two that can only be used one way.
A Special Note
Sometimes, folks are skeptical that bloggers really offer their honest opinions on products that they receive, especially when affiliate links are used. I hope that reviews like this illustrate my point — ethical bloggers (of which there are many!) publish their own opinions, both good and bad. Some bloggers choose not to post negative reviews, and instead forego writing about the products they don’t like entirely, which is also perfectly fine. Personally, I enjoy a good rant now and again, so I choose to post critical reviews when I feel that my readers will benefit.
Not every brand is happy to send products to reviewers who are known to publish critical reviews, and I’ve even heard about instances of attempted astroturfing. For this reason, I think it’s really important to talk about the companies like Ododi.com that choose to be ethical and transparent in their dealings with bloggers. Sure, it’s important to expose shady practices, but it’s also important to boost the visibility of ethical brands. So, thanks Team Ododi!