People say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, when it comes to dating but it doesn’t come as easy as that. I’ve been married and divorced and found it hard to ‘get back out there’. I think that it was mainly due to my confidence, or lack of, that dating just didn’t feel as natural as before married life.
So I thought I would write down some useful tips, that have helped me from date to date. Let me just say that I am not a relationship expert, nor am I proclaiming to be the next Cilla Black but with a mixture of pursuing courses in Psychology, personal experience and talking to others, I felt that the below tips were pretty much a good deal.
Trust yourself: After marriage or any bad break up, it is easy to lack trust with any potential person or date. But throw that away to one side. You will never meet that right person, if you are always looking for a fault. Listen to your body and your natural instinct. It is easy to mistrust any person, after you have been cheated on but not every one is like your ex-partner, give your new date a chance to hit the ground running or he/she will be running in the opposite direction of you.
Dating websites: If you are on one of the many dating sites out there, make it clear what you are after. Write down in your profile if you are basically after a fling or want something more serious. The worst thing someone on a dating website can do, is say they want commitment/a relationship but are pretty much only out for an easy night in the sack. Trust your instincts, how does someone communicate with you, during those first hours of talking? As for your profile, be assertive and confident but don’t ramble on. Leave any writings of ex’s or bad experiences out of the equation, don’t stick pictures up of you with your kids (as much as this is cute, it can also be a cause for concern with security issues). Leave your dirty laundry in the basket, no one wants to date someone who will air their drama, like an episode of eastenders! But do mention the things you like to do, possibly add in what you would like to do on a first date. It’s OK to mention you have kids, in your profile. BUT it’s a fine line, when it comes to talking about your life and flaunting something in a person’s face. It is a good idea to ask a friend who knows you well, to have a look at what you have written. An outsider looking in, can tell you if your profile is attractive or not.
Set that date: It’s easy to think you’ve met the man/woman of the century, if there have been a few witty emails, good profile pictures and in-depth information on their profile page. But batting emails/texts back and forth for weeks on end, can build expectation up too high to live up to. If you have been chatting for a day or two and get that feeling that you would get on, set up the first date. If the person you are talking to is a bit iffy about meeting up, then move on, as it’s just wasting your time.
1st date: ALWAYS meet in a public place, don’t go serious all out. Start off with a quiet little cafe or something similar. Talk to each other, relax and enjoy your time with this new person. If it is mutual that you’d like to meet each other again, then do so. BUT don’t have your mobile phone in your hand, put it on silent and focus on the person you are with. It is a BIG turn off, when someone is tapping away on their phone and not giving you the time of day.
Red Flags: Just because someone is initially interested in you, it doesn’t mean that you’d hit the ground running. Sometimes, after coming out of a long term relationship, we want to be with someone just because we don’t want to be on our own. DON’T look for a date, if that is what you want, it would be good for you to take time out, be on your own and figure out what direction your life will take. Rebounding just isn’t fair to you or the person you are dating. It also is good to keep an eye out for things going sour. It’s easy to feel that there were no signals to a relationship failing but looking back, you could most likely see it happening.
Relax: Have fun, enjoy your time in the dating pool and don’t take things seriously. Don’t promise the world to the person you are dating, it’s wrong on many levels and can cause too many headaches for both parties in the longer run. Take each day as it comes, it’s easy to lay out empty promises and even easier to believe them. You are an adult, not a 16 year old who’s going on their first date.
Have fun: Do things that you wouldn’t have done before, have dates in wacky places i.e. theme parks, paintballing, horse riding out on hacks. Or be as simple as going for a picnic, somewhere quiet, beautiful and scenic. Women do like a simple date that has had thought put into it.
Enjoy: It’s your time to shine, build a friendship as well as a relationship and you will be on the road to a good life.
I would love to hear from people reading my blog, what you think of this and if you have any other tips.
If you are entering the dating pool, after a break up, I wish you all the luck in the world and enjoy your time fishing x